WARNING: THIS ENTRY CONTAINS SWEAR WORDS

I’m sure every past generation has felt this way, but kids these days are stupid, and BrokeNCYDE fans are proof of that. Blending the shite-in-their-own-right genres of crunk and screamo (seriously), BrokeNCYDE have latched onto the innate thickness of nowadays youth to become a wholly unwarranted success. With faux-hiphop lyrics about “getting crunk”, “drinking 40s”, “smoking chronic” and “fuckin’ bitches”, it seems a little ironic that their fanbase solely consists of underage virgins and that the bandmembers themselves are the least gangster troupe to ever get blonde highlights. On an instrumental sense, the band combines the worst bits of contemporary trendy styles – screamo screeching accompanies Kanye West-style autotuned ‘rapping’ to unimaginitive synth-heavy beats. Horrible stuff.

So why did I watch them live last Saturday? The answer is simple – when the world as you know it is imploding and everything is wrong, it’s just ignorant to close your eyes and pretend nothing’s happening. The economy is going down the drain, global warming’s evaporating the seas, we’re all going to die in the war on terror, and the future of popular music lies in the hands of a generation of kids who think that BrokeNCYDE are good.

I went out of morbid curiosity, I guess. Like watching Jeremy Kyle placate a heavily tattooed skinhead husband arguing with his tarty wife over whether she slept with his brother when he was in jail, watching BrokeNCYDE is almost life-affirming, in a ‘everyone else sucks so much more than me’ kinda way.

Outside the venue I asked a female fan why she likes the band. Apart from that “they’re fit” she couldn’t give an answer. Because there’s really no reason anyone sensible should or could like them. Musically, they’re tripe. Ideologically, they’re a void. It seems their success is built on their cool haircuts, trendy dress sense, the fact that teenage girls like anything that other teenage girls like, regardless of merit, and the fact that teenage guys will like anything that lets them hang around girls.

Bizarrely, it almost felt like the band was on my side. It seems like they know they’re talentless, and they know their fans are stupid, and they relish in it. Their newest album is called “I’m not a fan but the kids like it”, which is simultaneously the most true and most depressing thing I could say about them.

Admittedly, if I were in a band that made big bucks without having to learn instruments, write good lyrics, or be in any way talented, which played off the pliability and easily persuaded nature of trend-following emo kids, I’d be loving it too.