There’s been a lot of hubbub recently about these dudes calling themselves the BNP. From what I can gather from their public appearances, they’re some kind of ironic, improvisational, satirical comedy troupe. Their act seems to be playing on this notion that there’s a brain-dead contingent of the British public willing to vote for an entirely reactionary, openly racist, openly homophobic political movement because they’re annoyed at their local MPs claiming bath plugs on their expenses.

Sorry, my mistake. As anyone from the BNP will tell you, they’re not a racist or homophobic party. This is because while a racist party would campaign for the removal of all non-whites from Britain, the BNP are instead campaigning for the removal of all non-whites from Britain. And while a homophobic party would campaign for the complete abolishment of the right to be publicly gay, the BNP are instead campaigning for a complete abolishment of the right to be publicly gay.

Now, in my position as an expert provider of football opinions, I’m not too well versed on politics. But it could potentially seem to some that the BNP might be going beyond the kinda-acceptable-but-still-not-totally-my-cup-of-tea right wing attitudes of parties like the Tories and the English Democrats, and playing on people’s fears, political naivety, and general stupidity to promote a wholly abhorent and narrow-minded world view. But then I’m probably a liberal loonie, the likes of which are destined to drive this once-proud country into free-for-all orgy of multinationalism and inclusivism, rather than the traditional and much-loved British policies of exclusion, racism, and stupidity.

It’s a real pity that this election (which should’ve really been about European policies rather than at-home ‘issues’ like immigration) has been so badly skewed by the media’s obsession over expenses that people have made totally uninformed decisions at the voting booths. And it’s shameful that it’s us up here in the North who’ve given the BNP a platform to stand on.

I think my Tory-supporting friend summed it up best – “The BNP might have one or two good policies, but they’re basically a bunch of fascist t**ts.”